I Just Can't Do This Anymore

God Whispers: "I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith." Philippians 3:9

The Ten Commandments

1 Corinthians 13 (The Love Chapter)

Treat others as you want to be treated

Be sweet

Put others first

Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry

The world is watching the way Christians handle this life

If you get in trouble at school, you get in trouble at home

You're children are learning by watching you

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.

Proverbs 31 - The Wife of Noble Character

And the list goes on and on. These are some of the guidelines that have led me to become the person I am today. On the surface, you might see a polite, obedient, soft-spoken, church-going wife and mother. In fact, my family use to tease my by calling me Mother Teresa! But if you were to open up my heart, you just might see a different view. I'm tired. I'm worn out. I'm overwhelmed, insecure and fearful. I dread things, put things off and cover things up. I'm broken, sinful and dirty. I have put pressure on myself to follow all the rules and regulations I've been taught. But I just can't do this anymore. I know what I really am and I cannot and will not ever measure up to what I've been told I need to be.

Thank the good and gracious God in heaven! Today He has whispered to my heart that my work is done. I no longer have to try on my own. I am not bound to these rules anymore! All I have to do is have faith in God. And all these things, the worries, the pressure, the fear, the insecurities are on Him. And He will change me and release me from the shackles that have so tightly held me down all my life. I am so thankful for my parents, family, teachers, youth leaders, friends that have encouraged me and taught me all of what the Bible says but my perspective all along the way has been off track. Today I'm thankful that God has reminded me that I cannot do it alone. But He is doing it through me.

One of my favorite quotes I love to say is, "You don't want to know me if I don't have Jesus!" So if you see anything ugly in me, please pray for me for at that moment for I am trying to do it alone. If you see anything beautiful in me, recognize that it's Jesus working through me!

When God is Silent

God whispers: "The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The sky displays his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. They speak without a word or sound; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world." Psalm 19:1-4

It's been some time since I last wrote. I've been waiting for God to reveal His next word to me. But it's been silent. I kept asking God to speak. I wanted to hear His voice. I wanted a new lesson to learn from hearing Him speak to my heart. But it has been silent still.

The amazing thing about it is, although He has been quiet, I have still felt His presence. Every time I see Mt. Rainier in all it's glory, as a giant towering among the surrounding mountains, I know God is still present. As I've stood as a small speck along the massive ocean, roaring so loud it over-powers all sounds around me, I still feel His presence. And as I sit in my "tent of meeting" each morning, quiet and alone, I still feel His presence.

We may not always have a specific word or message from God. However, He constantly reveals himself in so many ways. How can one ever think He is not present? Please, open your eyes and see all that God has created. It may be small, it may be massive. But God created it. And when it is revealed to you, take a moment to feel the presence of our almighty God. And praise Him!

Scared Of The Dark

God Whispers:

"If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home. For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go." Psalm 91:9-11

You would think at age 33 I would have overcome being scared of the dark. Would you believe that I still have night lights?! (Notice the plural form!) I keep them on in bathrooms, the hallway and even in the kitchen (just in case I need to get medicine for the kids in the night...like I did last night)! I also find myself moving rather quickly to bed after I have turned off the light in my room. But we'll just keep this between you and me! I wouldn't want the kids to know for they'll never outgrow it either!

Seriously, the night does bring on fears that seem different than what one might face in the day. They are more spiritual and I am fully aware of the spiritual warfare that goes on around us. I remember one night when Troy was in TX for six weeks of training, I became so frightened that I broke out in a sweat, felt completely paralyzed and I began to shake with fear. I cannot even tell you what I was actually afraid of at the moment. But with the strength of the Holy Spirit, I sat up, grabbed my Bible and began to read and pray aloud. Instantly, I began to feel a calm and peace in my heart and mind. As I began to calm down, the Lord gave me rest and soon it was morning.

There are many things we fear in this life. But when we make the Lord our God, He promises to watch over us. There are two phrases I love from these verses in Psalm 91. The first is "no evil will conquer you". We will face trouble and hard times but the evil from the spiritual warfare around us cannot and will not conquer us. God is the ultimate power and He is watching over us!

I also love the phrase "he will order his angels to protect you". He actually orders them on our behalf! And they are actually present! Sometimes I tend to picture the cartoon angel with the crooked halo floating around me not doing much of anything. But I know that they are real and they work for God! That gives me much peace.

The one common denominator that I have noticed in these times of fear is that the only thing that makes them go away is prayer. And sometimes those prayers are on my knees, pleading with God aloud. God is my refuge and my shelter. Fear comes from me but peace comes from God.

When The Tears Fall

God Whispers: "Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go plant their seeds but they sing as they return with the harvest. Psalm 126:5-6

During the last 6 months, we have shed many tears. Troy and I love our home in Louisville. Leaving our family and friends behind has been heartbreaking. After spending 6 weeks in WA, we both feel as though we have enjoyed our time here and now are ready to return home. We face the reality that we are not going in anywhere for some time.

This life of being a military family with an unsettling future and being told where to live was never our plan when we began our journey and life together. We imagined comfortably living in Louisville and raising our family in one home. God had other plans.

Even knowing this is God's plan, I cannot say we do not have sad days. As the reality of the situation is setting in, it seems as though it has only gotten harder. But I must add that with every tear shed, it is accompanied by an overwhelming sense of peace. I can honestly say that I believe our sadness is not in vain. I know there is a greater purpose beyond what we can see. Joy will come. A harvest will grow. I don't know if I'll ever see the harvest on this side of heaven but I will hold on to hope knowing I will see it someday.

I will wait on God. I will trust in God. And I will continue to plant the seeds even through the tears.

Weight Watchers and The Christian Life

God Whispers: "So let us not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9

In May, I decided to join Weight Watchers to get rid of the last of my baby weight...for my baby is 2 years old! It's only been a little over 2 months since I joined and although I have made some progress, it is going slower than I hoped. And since we've moved, it's been a roller coaster ride. But I am learning that the weeks I focus on every detail of my diet and record every crumb ingested, those are the weeks that I have a good weigh-in. When I say I can keep track in my mind and don't need to record everything, those are the weeks I gain!

I've also found that when I don't keep track, I lose motivation. Then I end up eating one more cookie, snatch one more bite of chocolate, drink one more coffee until I've ruined the week in just one day! However, if I do keep track, I have a desire to resist the temptation and keeping my eye on weigh-in day. My perspective changes.

It's a lot like our lives as Christians. We have so much sin that is very unhealthy and harmful to us. But we MUST keep going to God's Word. We must faithfully spend time in the Bible allowing the Holy Spirit to invade every aspect of our lives. When we stay in the Word, we are renewed and focused and empowered. But when we allow those times to slip away from us, believing we can do it on our own, sin seeps it's way back in and we are soon out of control.

So keep doing good! Get up early or take a break at lunch or stay up a few minutes later at night so God can change you, making your heart new and pure! We so desperately need to stay on track in order to reap a harvest! Keep the faith!!